Adoption is a profound act of love. It offers children safety, stability, and the chance to grow in a nurturing environment after early experiences that may have been difficult or painful. Yet adoption is not a “happily-ever-after” moment — it is a lifelong journey that involves understanding, patience, openness, and resilience.
In Malta, where family bonds and community care are valued deeply, many parents embrace adoption with courage and commitment. This blog explores what research tells us about adoption, how resilience grows within families, and how a Maltese song beautifully captures the emotional world of children who have lived through care and loss.
Do Adopted Children Face More Challenges?
A Balanced Perspective
There is a common belief that adopted children automatically struggle more than their peers. The truth is more nuanced:
- Not all adopted children struggle. Many adjust extremely well and build healthy, secure lives.
- Challenges usually stem from early experiences, such as instability, neglect, or time spent in institutions — not from adoption itself.
- Comparisons can be misleading. Research often compares adopted children who have faced adversity with non-adopted children raised in stable environments.
- Adoption can be a turning point for healing. Studies consistently show improved attachment, emotional understanding, and social growth in the years following adoption.
In short: adoption is often protective, not harmful.
The Power of Resilience in Adoption
Resilience is the ability to adapt, recover, and grow in the face of adversity. For adopted children, resilience develops through relationships — especially the stable, enduring ones with their adoptive parents.
1. Consistent, nurturing caregivers
Children thrive when they feel safe, accepted, and loved. Predictable routines and warm interactions help rebuild trust.
2. Open communication about adoption
Parents who talk openly about adoption help their child:
- understand their story
- process difficult feelings
- form a stable sense of identity
Silence can create confusion. Openness creates connection.
3. “Ordinary Magic”
Psychologist Ann Masten calls everyday family life — shared meals, routines, giggles, cosy bedtime moments — ordinary magic because these simple acts build a child’s emotional backbone.
4. Lifelong support
Adoption is not an event; it’s a lifelong process. As children grow, identity questions or difficult feelings may resurface. Continued support, empathy, and openness — along with professional help if needed — are key.
Giving Voice to Children in Care:
Naf Min Jien! by Dr Kevin Borg
In Malta, the song “Naf Min Jien!” deeply resonates with anyone who supports or cares for children who have experienced instability or trauma. Written and performed by paediatrician Dr Kevin Borg, the song gives voice to the feelings and inner world of minors in care — their longing to belong, be seen, and be held.
These lyrics capture the profound relief a child feels when finally embraced by a safe, loving family:
“Sibt lil min jarani!
Min idur bijja
U li jwennisni…
Sibt lil min jismagħni,
b’għożża jħaddanni!
Għax hekk jistħoqqli,
b’rasi fuq għonqi,
Iva Jien Niswa!”
These words reflect what every child deserves:
- to be noticed,
- to be cared for,
- to be listened to,
- and to be held with gentle dignity.
For adoptive parents, these lyrics can spark meaningful conversations about belonging, loss, identity, and hope. They serve as a reminder that behind every adoption story is a child who longs to feel safe — and who deserves that safety.
Understanding the Ongoing Journey
Even in healthy, loving adoptive families, emotional challenges can re-emerge at different points — especially during adolescence or young adulthood. Children may face:
- identity questions
- loyalty conflicts
- grief related to their birth family
- struggles with trust or emotion regulation
- anxiety or sadness
- difficulty navigating relationships
These do not mean the adoption has “failed.”
They mean the child is processing their story — and they need your support.
Seeking help from psychologists or support groups is a sign of commitment, not weakness.
Practical Guidance for Adoptive Parents
1. Make space for all emotions
Not only joy, but sadness, confusion, anger, or curiosity.
2. Keep the dialogue open
Normalize talking about adoption throughout childhood and adolescence.
3. Create strong, predictable routines
Consistency builds safety.
4. Connect with other adoptive families
You are not meant to walk this journey alone.
5. Celebrate your child’s whole identity
Cultural roots, personal traits, birth story, and present family — all matter.
A Message of Hope
Adoption is not a way of erasing the past. It is a way of offering a child a future filled with love, stability, and belonging.
Research shows that with the right support, many adopted children flourish — socially, emotionally, academically, and personally. They grow into resilient, self-aware adults with strong relationships and a deep sense of identity.
And as the song “Naf Min Jien!” reminds us, every child deserves to feel safe enough to say:
“Iva… jien niswa.”
“Yes… I am worthy.”
Adoption can make that truth possible.
Charlene
Clinical Psychologist and Family TherapistClinical Supervisor
